Is it Penthouse Forum that people write letters to about sexual experiences or somewhere else? I can't remember. You know, "Dear Penthouse.. " Something like that. 

I want to write one of those. 

"Dear Penthouse,

     I know this doesn't start out sexy but... I went mudding with a friend at two in the morning and he, uh, got his truck stuck in the mud. At some point he needed me to get out of the vehicle at which time I fell knee deep in a crazy mud puddle and then fell forward (Thankfully he caught me before the face plant.) Apparently, I'm hotter than holy heck covered in mud because once I had gotten out of the giant mud puddle (sans sandals) and was sitting on solid ground I suddenly encountered a giant dick in my face. 

That's all I'm willing to share but I'll tell you that it is totally worth a letter to somebody. Maybe I'll write a story. Sex in the woods is hella fun. Sleeping in a tiny truck because you can't get out of the woods?... Not as much but you've gotta learn to take the bad with the Oh my God really good.