Erg. I buy fancy perfume with matching body wash and lotion and MBF for some reason thinks it's okay to take the lotion and use it for whatever the fuck he wants. If he asked ahead of time, I would probably say no. It's fucking expensive and when I dress up and want to look and feel nice I like the whole experience. I shouldn't have to fucking hide my fucking things! They are my things.

I want privacy and to live with people that don't think that just because we are friends that means they can come in my room and take whatever the fuck they want.

I keep thinking he's going to find an apartment and move out and I won't have to sit down with him and tell him that he has to but... fuck.

Is it Penthouse Forum that people write letters to about sexual experiences or somewhere else? I can't remember. You know, "Dear Penthouse.. " Something like that. 

I want to write one of those. 

"Dear Penthouse,

     I know this doesn't start out sexy but... I went mudding with a friend at two in the morning and he, uh, got his truck stuck in the mud. At some point he needed me to get out of the vehicle at which time I fell knee deep in a crazy mud puddle and then fell forward (Thankfully he caught me before the face plant.) Apparently, I'm hotter than holy heck covered in mud because once I had gotten out of the giant mud puddle (sans sandals) and was sitting on solid ground I suddenly encountered a giant dick in my face. 

That's all I'm willing to share but I'll tell you that it is totally worth a letter to somebody. Maybe I'll write a story. Sex in the woods is hella fun. Sleeping in a tiny truck because you can't get out of the woods?... Not as much but you've gotta learn to take the bad with the Oh my God really good. 

I should not have to go through this every time I am going to T's. MBF is crazy... well, not technically.

Every time
-He doesn't want T to think of me the way MBF thought of crazy K (Like a piece of ass yada yada)
-He doesn't understand why I'll drive all the way up there when T's just going to be working half the time. (To get away and have alone time.)
-He doesn't want me to get hurt. (That's a legitimate reason but MBF has hurt me more than most others so also hypocritical.)
-He doesn't understand why I'll drive 400 miles to have sex with someone but I won't walk across the hall to have sex with him. (Seriously dude. Get over it already.)

That last one is the big one and every time he gets drunk I get to hear about it. Fml.

I should not have to tell the same person over and over again that I am not going to fuck them. It's getting old. Leave me alone.

Random thought:

After my husband left he use to get mad because I was mean to him. (*gasp*) I wish I could go back in time and tell him that I wouldn't be so mean to him except for the one little fact that I hate him with the passion of a thousand serial killers and I don't understand why he doesn't just fuck the fuck off and die already.

Isn't that good? It sounds kinda poetic:
I hate you with the passion of a thousand serial killers.

Except, I'm not sure serial killers are passionate so maybe it doesn't have quite the ring I am looking for after all.

I don't know if I'm more naive than I thought I was, less perceptive than I thought I was or... what. Something. I must be something because I totally did not see that coming.

A friend of mine was made by his wife to unfriend me on facebook because he told someone that while she was out of town he was very seriously contemplating getting a hotel with me and cheating on her. Something I had no idea about. Like, actually, no idea.

Not that nothing has ever been said about being attracted to me or wanting something but I thought it was more of a flirty with someone safe thing. Or, a "hey, if I was single I'd be all over that" thing. Does that make sense? Like, there is no way this man would actually cheat on his wife. He may think about it. He may fantasize a bit while he rubs one out but he would never actually do it. Not because he loves her soooo much (although I'm not discounting that or meaning to say it's not true), or because she fulfills him so completely in bed. No. He would never cheat on her because the guilt would make him insane and he would tell her within a week, if not within a day. He's not a cheater. I know cheaters. You have to have a certain amount of deviousness in you to do that and he doesn't. Obviously. He couldn't even think about doing it without telling someone.

There was that time when we were talking about going out for drinks while she was out of town and I said that one of us needed to not be drunk and he said that I should be the one drunk but I thought ... I thought he was joking. Ok. No. I didn't. I knew he was serious but I know him and there is no way that even if I got drunk and was all over him he would actually do anything about it. He would very regretfully bring me home. But I wouldn't have gotten drunk anyway because I like preserving dignity and I don't like fucking up my friendships.

I am making a jumble of this because my mind is a jumble. The fact of the matter is this; He is married. I would not have sex with him because he is married. He probably knows that but got carried away by the hotel fantasy thing and said something out loud that he didn't really mean. He was for sure thinking about it and tossing it out there but he wouldn't actually do it.

This sucks. I want to cry. Because I love him. In a "he's a really good friend and I tell him almost everything" kind of way. And his wife wants to slash my tires and take a hatchet to my head. So, that blows.

The other reason I wouldn't have sex with him is the same reason I don't have sex with anyone other than T. I haven't for so long that every fantasy and every wet dream is centered around T. I know he would not be thrilled to know. I know he prob thinks I should or am out there fucking other people but... I'm kind of a one man girl. Apparently even when that man is seven hours away. I would have to stop having sex with him in order to start having sex with someone else and I am not ready for that. We haven't done everything yet.

You know what else bugs me about that guy? He is never fucking on time! Seriously, how hard is it to get somewhere when you say you will? And I don't mean he was 5 minutes late. I mean he was over an hour late and I left. 'Cause fuck that. Also, the other night when he was being all forward and desperate and shit... He had said he would see me there at 9. I told him I couldn't stay out late because of work and he still didn't show up until 9:45. Fuck that. Punctuality is important. I still left early btw. My time is important and I'm madly in love with my bed.

And as long as I'm on a rant about him... I can't understand him on the phone. In person, easy peasy. He talks like a real person. On the phone though, he talks like a gangster. He even texts like a gangster. I don't understand gangster speak. I grew up in small town Oregon and I don't watch tv. Where would I have learned gangster?! Where did HE learn gangster??!!

And I wish he would stop texting me! He always says, "Hey stranger." Well, hey, if I'm a stranger why are you texting me? If it's been so long since you and I last spoke that you feel the need to call me stranger then just go away. Real friends are never strangers.

Wow. I didn't realize I dislike him so much.  :/