I don't know if I'm more naive than I thought I was, less perceptive than I thought I was or... what. Something. I must be something because I totally did not see that coming.

A friend of mine was made by his wife to unfriend me on facebook because he told someone that while she was out of town he was very seriously contemplating getting a hotel with me and cheating on her. Something I had no idea about. Like, actually, no idea.

Not that nothing has ever been said about being attracted to me or wanting something but I thought it was more of a flirty with someone safe thing. Or, a "hey, if I was single I'd be all over that" thing. Does that make sense? Like, there is no way this man would actually cheat on his wife. He may think about it. He may fantasize a bit while he rubs one out but he would never actually do it. Not because he loves her soooo much (although I'm not discounting that or meaning to say it's not true), or because she fulfills him so completely in bed. No. He would never cheat on her because the guilt would make him insane and he would tell her within a week, if not within a day. He's not a cheater. I know cheaters. You have to have a certain amount of deviousness in you to do that and he doesn't. Obviously. He couldn't even think about doing it without telling someone.

There was that time when we were talking about going out for drinks while she was out of town and I said that one of us needed to not be drunk and he said that I should be the one drunk but I thought ... I thought he was joking. Ok. No. I didn't. I knew he was serious but I know him and there is no way that even if I got drunk and was all over him he would actually do anything about it. He would very regretfully bring me home. But I wouldn't have gotten drunk anyway because I like preserving dignity and I don't like fucking up my friendships.

I am making a jumble of this because my mind is a jumble. The fact of the matter is this; He is married. I would not have sex with him because he is married. He probably knows that but got carried away by the hotel fantasy thing and said something out loud that he didn't really mean. He was for sure thinking about it and tossing it out there but he wouldn't actually do it.

This sucks. I want to cry. Because I love him. In a "he's a really good friend and I tell him almost everything" kind of way. And his wife wants to slash my tires and take a hatchet to my head. So, that blows.

The other reason I wouldn't have sex with him is the same reason I don't have sex with anyone other than T. I haven't for so long that every fantasy and every wet dream is centered around T. I know he would not be thrilled to know. I know he prob thinks I should or am out there fucking other people but... I'm kind of a one man girl. Apparently even when that man is seven hours away. I would have to stop having sex with him in order to start having sex with someone else and I am not ready for that. We haven't done everything yet.