Ok. So I met this guy at the bar last night. I didn't actually meet him. I've known him for a while. We arranged to meet at the bar. I don't usually revisit things or people I've done in the past. I figure there is no reason to go back to something that didn't work and try to make it work. But, I also have a hard time saying no and when he asked if I would grace him with my presence I thought, "what the hell."

I was uncomfortable the entire fucking night. He said when he saw me that he had to catch his breath cause his heart sped up. He said I'm like a breath of fresh air. He said he woke up thinking about me the other morning and had to stay in bed half an hour longer than usual because he couldn't stop thinking about me. YES PEOPLE. THE MAN BASICALLY STRAIGHT UP TOLD ME HE SPENT HALF A FUCKING HOUR MASTURBATING TO MY MEMORY AND THINKING ABOUT MY MOUTH. Now, if I was at all interested maybe that would be flattering? I actually don't know. Nobody (before last night) has ever just come out and straight up told me that they masturbate to my memory. He said I should get paid for that cause it was amazing. What the fuck ever.

Half the things that I said last night were "too soon" and "too much." Over and over again. He said he didn't want to make me uncomfortable but he likes to say what he's thinking. Well, so do I but I know when to show some restraint. Holy shit dude.

And then when I was sleeping I had an actual NIGHTMARE about him kissing me. That's right. I woke up in a cold sweat freaked right the fuck out because he kissed me in a dream. It was awful. His tongue was like, gross.

I don't think he is meant to be for me.